also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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