He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
