yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
