And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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