Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
