Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
