Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
