We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
