How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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