She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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