Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
