and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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