All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
