Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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