Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
