i jhust puked up my retainher.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
