Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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