Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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