Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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