so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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