i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
