Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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