I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
