How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
