You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
