I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
