dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
