I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
