Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
