K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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