my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I want a musical about memes.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
