I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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