last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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