I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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