sarcasm needs its own font
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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