I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
