My pussy is not your playground.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
