Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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