Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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