She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
