My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
