Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
