Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
