I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
