He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
