if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think people are normalizing furries
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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