Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
