god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
