proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
