my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
