Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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