before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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